Marriage: What it is and why it matters

by Steve Cornell

“Marriage should be honored by all…” Hebrews 13:4a

God ordained three institutions for our good. They exist as pillars for a strong, safe and flourishing society. After evil entered the world, God also prescribed these institutions for the restraint and punishment of wrongdoers. These three are:

1. Family (Ephesians 5:22-25; 6:1-3)

2. Government (Genesis 9:6; Romans 13:1-4; I Peter 2:13-14)

3. Church (Matthew 5:13-16—Salt and Light; Ephesians 5:11—“Do not participate in…rather expose…”; Romans 12:21—“Overcome evil with good…”). Local churches are intended by God to make a difference in the world: through witness in word and deed, through teaching God’s will to His people and through discipleship and discipline.

What happens to a nation when its families are broken and full of dysfunctional relationships, its government does not fear God and it is full of weak churches? Asked differently, what happens to a community or nation when homes, government and churches ignore God’s plan for them? The answer can be found by looking at what is happening to our nation. Too negative? Perhaps I see things this way because I often take a front row seat to the sad and complicated personal effects in the lives of people. But I am sure I could supply more than enough statistical data to support my view.

Of the three God-ordained institutions, the first and primary one is the family. Families are made up of three levels of relationship:

1. Husband and wife

2. Parents and children

3. Siblings to sibling

In the opening chapters of the Bible, we learn that God created humans male and female with the intention of forming marriage relationships and bearing and raising children. Yet the husband and wife relationship is first in order and first in priority in families. Other relationships in the home, if God chooses to grant them, though important, are only provisional and temporary (i.e. parent/child; sibling/sibling). When husbands and wives bear children, their goal should be to raise them and release them. One day, they “leave their father and mother….”

The important thing to recognize is that only God-intended permanent relationship in the home is the husband and wife relationship. When we keep it the priority relationship, we strengthen and bless the other relationships. When we neglect it or build our lives too much around the children, we do a disservice to the family unit. Think deeply about this truth.
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Three essentials for Marriage Relationships

God’s original plan for the marriage relationship involved three essential elements:

1. Exclusivity: One man/one woman in lifelong monogamy

2. Uniqueness: Leaving your home of origin and establishing a new family.

3. Permanence: A man is to be united to his wife—a word that means to hold fast to with unswerving loyalty.

Remember the wedding vow: “Till death causes us to part; As long as we both shall live.” Jesus said, “What God has joined together let man not separate” (Matthew 19:6).

Reflect deeply on the three essential elements in God’s original plan for marriage: exclusivity, uniqueness, and permanence. When husbands and wives respect each one, they enable their marriages to flourish. A failure to respect any one of these will harm the marriage relationship.

Why is it important to revisit these basics? Two big reasons:

1. If we get the nature of marriage wrong, we are less likely to do well in marriage. A key reason many marital problems occur is a failure to understand, respect and live by the God-intended essence of marriage.

2. “The relationship between husband and wife is the foundation on which kids build their sense of security, their identity and learn to relate to others.” –Jay Kessler

Did you notice the categories? 1. Security, 2. Identity, 3. Relationship skills

Not surprisingly, the cumulative effect of several decades of disregard for the God-intended nature of marriage—evidenced not only in broken homes but in severely dysfunctional homes (almost 50% end in divorce and 50% of those that remain together are “characterized by resignation or even misery rather than love and affection” (Harley). —– is witnessed in the significant security, identity and relationship problems in the personal lives of large numbers of people in our society.

Marriage and family—Why does it matter? God ordained it for our good. Government and churches are only as strong as the families in them.

At the deepest level, I believe it is time for the church to renew its commitment to this verse of Scripture: “Marriage should be honored by all…” Hebrews 13:4a

The institution of marriage is God’s idea. And God designed it for the health, peace, and security of human relationships. In a culture that places little value on covenants, promises and vows, marriage commitments are not highly valued. We must not accept this cultural norm in the body of Christ!

Hebrews 13:4a—start here! Make it personal! We need a renewed commitment at this level. Revisit and evaluate how well you’re doing with the three essentials in your marriage.

Steve Cornell
See also: http://thinkpoint.wordpress.com/2008/11/20/help-for-troubled-marriages/