Love: What is it?

The best functional definition of love is found in the New Testament book titled I Corinthians. To this day, it remains one of the most often quoted Scriptures during wedding ceremonies. When practiced, it deeply transforms us. This is life that is anti-rivalry. Love is not about comparison, competition, envy, one-up-man-ship, retaliation, gossip or vindictiveness. It is counter-cultural in the most profound sense. It’s also a prescription for resolving relationship conflicts on all levels.

Look closely at these words:

“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance” (I Corinthians 13:4-8, NLT).

14 Qualities of love

1) Love is patient: It is long-suffering and forebearing. It restrains anger when facing provocation. It is a Godlike response. The Old Testament repeats a cluster of descriptive qualities for God reminding us that He is: “gracious, compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love—and He relents from sending calamity” (see: Exodus 34:6-7; Joel 2:13; Jonah 4:2.Joel 2:18).

The New Testament also reminds us that God “is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance (II Peter 3:9). In a passage warning about God’s inescapable judgment against religious hypocrites (i.e. those who condemn others for the very things they do themselves), the apostle pauses to remind them of God’s kindness and patience: “…do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness leads you toward repentance?” (See also: Romans 9:22-24).

Jesus showed great patience when He prayed: “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34). Stephen, the first martyr of the early church, showed great patience when he prayed: “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.” Patience is more than passive waiting. It is active restraint that rests in God.

2) Love is kind: This is the active advance of love. If love patiently holds back retaliation, in kindness, it reaches out in good will toward others. Romans 12:17-21 brings both together. Verse 17 – “Do not repay evil for evil,” Verse 19 – “Do not take revenge.” This is God’s right, not mine. On the contrary, extend acts of kindness and ministry: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink” (Romans 12:20a). This is more than passive restraint and resentment, it is super-natural, counter-cultural living, based on a refusal to multiply evil. “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (v. 21).

What does it mean: “In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head”? This sounds like a way to harm my enemy! Is this a “kill them with kindness” philosophy? A “so take that” approach?

There are 5 possible ways to understand the burning coals:

1. Punishment- (Psalm 18:13, Psalm 140:11). But anything aimed to hurt our enemies violates the context.
2. Conviction – It’s symbolic burning in the sense of bringing mental conviction
3. Protection- (Leviticus 16:12-13). Like the high priest on the Day of Atonement who took a censor full of burning coals and incense so the smoke would cover him from God’s glory.
4. Blessing – A near-eastern practice of carrying burning coals to distribute for the benefit of others.
5. Melting – As burning coals melt hard metals, perhaps your kindness will melt your enemy’s hardened heart.

Conclusion: This is some sort of proverbial saying indicating that our acts of kindness have the potential to powerfully affect others, especially enemies. “Win them with kindness, not kill them.” Keep the meaning in the context of Romans 12:21.

God’s kindness emerges against the backdrop of our sin in Titus 3:3-5. To be Christian is to be people distinguished by our kindness. In Luke 6:32-36, Jesus emphasized our need to be merciful as God is by reminding us that the Most High God is even kind to the ungrateful and wicked (Luke 6:35-36). Let’s be sure to model kindness as parents and teach kindness to our children.

3) Love does not envy: It does not resent the blessings of others. Envious rivalry was behind the murder of Abel, the enslavement of Joseph and it motivated religious people to crucify Jesus. An envier gloats over the harm or misfortune of the one envied. She delights in evil (cf. Proverbs 14:30; 24:17). (See the article on my blog under envy)

4) Love does not boast: Love corrects an inordinate desire to call attention to one-self. A loving person is not a windbag/braggart; does not parade himself; does not think more highly of himself than sober judgment dictates (Romans 12:3). Love is willing to work anonymously. It needs no limelight or stage and is not fueled by the applause and recognition.

5) Love is not proud: not puffed up; not arrogant; not full of oneself. (cf. I Corinthians 4:6, 18-19; 5:2 and 8:1) (See blog topic “Pride”)

6) Love is not rude: ( “does not behave unseemly” KJV); “Does not behave shamefully or disgracefully.” To do this would be a violation of care for the community over the individual.

7) Love is not self-seeking: (“does not insist on its own way” ESV). This is a corrective for a culture that promotes self-absorption. (cf. I Corinthians 10:24, 33; Philippians 2:3-5; II Corinthians 5:15)

8 ) Love is not easily angered: (easily agitated; easily provoked; hot-tempered; short-fused). Indicates deeper problems. This is corrected by love’s first quality: patient, fore-bearing. (See blog topic “Anger)

9) Love keeps no record of wrongs: (thinks no evil, KJV); does not reckon or devise evil. Love prefers forgiveness and reconciliation and genuinely works toward them (cf. II Corinthians 5:19 – God did not reckon our sins against us). When we’ve been hurt badly, this part of love is hard to practice. Love will never become enslaved to bitterness (Hebrews 12:15). See D. A. Carson’s book, “Love in Hard Places.”

10) Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth: This rules out envy, gossip, slander, and satisfaction at the downfall of others (Example: Children tattling get a feeling of satisfaction by seeing others get in trouble).

Love’s four sweet companions

Finally, we have what Spurgeon called “Love’s four sweet companions”: Love always protects, trusts, hopes, perseveres (NIV). Here we have love’s grand finale in a staccato of four verbs enriched with a repeated object that is all-encompassing! (”All things”; adverbial: “In everything/always”).

“There is nothing love cannot face” (NEB). “Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance” (NLT). Love embraces faith and hope—no wonder the greatest is love. It is tenacious and faithful. Love is brave and noble; it never fails.

Think about it:

“Paul does not mean that love always believes the best about everything and everyone, but that love never ceases to have faith; it never loses hope. This is why it can endure. The life that is so touched by the never-ceasing love of God in Christ (cf. Romans 8:39) is in turn enabled by the Spirit to love others in the same way. It trusts God in behalf of the one loved, hopes to the end that God will show mercy in that person’s behalf.” (N.I.C.N.T., Gordon Fee, I Corinthians p. 640)

This is exemplified in a parent’s love. It never gives up. I know parents of older children who have watched their children make bad, life-altering decisions with serious consequences, yet the parents persevere in their love.

The 5 Keys to Love’s Implementation

1. Acknowledge it as a command (Romans 13:8-10)
2. Agree you have the power to love (Romans 5:5)
3. Understand it is normal Christian behavior (I John 4:7-10)
4. Realize it is the Spirit’s work (Galatians 5:22)
5. Practice it (I Peter 1:22; 4:8) (Dr. John MacArthur)

Steve Cornell