Marriage: Changing the way we think about it

Marriage offers the closest possible relationship of intimacy and companionship we can enjoy. I’ve been married for more than 27 years and for 23 of them, I’ve done a lot of marriage counseling. Marriage can be a relationship of mutual encouragement, acceptance and partnership, but sadly good marriages are increasingly rare. Fewer people are willing to put in the intentional commitment and hard work essential good relationships. This is one reason why many marriages don’t go the distance.

A growing number of people whom I care deeply about are in failing marriages. Most of them never imagined being where they are today. They went into marriage firmly opposed to divorce and determined to make it work. Facing the prospect of an impending divorce has been devastating to them. They know that they have not been perfect mates, but are sincerely willing to work on their marriages. Yet they face unwilling partners who are too selfish to care. They feel they’ve tried everything to save their marriages but fear there is no hope. Life has become much harder for these people. Beyond their personal pain, their hearts ache for their children. My heart aches for all of them.

Divorce is painful and complicated. Those who go through it endure emotional, physical and social exhaustion. I have observed this many times in my counseling experience. Even when divorce is an escape from a deeply troubled relationship, it’s difficult and painful. The discouragements, distractions and disorienting complications brought on by divorce can make life feel unbearable. And, to various degrees, the effects of divorce are life-long.

There are many different reasons why marriages turn out to be good but failed marriages share common characteristics. Poor communication and conflict resolution skills are always part of relationships in decline. Neglect of intimacy, loss of good will and frequent escalating arguments are common to marital demise.

First-time married people face disturbing statistical probability of being divorced. Some say 50 percent end in divorce; others think 40 percent is more accurate. Either number is too high. And statistics increase for second, third and fourth marriages. Evidently, we don’t learn from our mistakes as well as we think we do. Sixty-eight percent of those who remarry within two years of their divorce experience another divorce.

This is partly why I am in my 16th year teaching a class for singles on how to choose a mate. I am confident that preventive measures can be taken to decrease the threat of divorce. Studies reveal that the likelihood of divorce decreases for those from intact families-especially religious ones. Higher levels of education, stable income, premarital counseling and marrying after age 25 also make measurable differences for preventing divorce.

The decision to marry is one of the most important ones we make. My class is designed to help young people make the best decision possible. This requires knowing what to look for and what to avoid, asking the right questions and exploring the right issues. In other important decisions, we study our options, seek counsel from others and proceed with caution. We use our heads and let our heads guide our hearts.

Why don’t people approach marriage with the same thought and caution? Perhaps when it comes to love, we trust our hearts too much. Widespread divorce indicates, among other things, that we must become better decision-makers about marriage.

This often requires changes in the way we think about marriage itself. Idealized images of marriage or of the person we plan to marry quickly shatter in married life. Many people want too much from marriage. They have unrealistic ideas of marital bliss. They are in love with the idea of being in love but they soon learn that loving another person takes effort.

Those who want a good marriage without the effort required, set themselves up for the cycle of fantasy, disillusionment and divorce. Founder and chairman of Focus on the Family, James C. Dobson, suggested that “the secret to lifelong love and companionship is an iron-willed determination to make it work.” Those who understand this usually experience better marriages based on more realistic expectations.

God designed marriage for our good as an exclusive, permanent, one-fleshed relationship based on a covenant of commitment between one man and one woman. Although not his original plan, God made allowances for divorce and remarriage in some cases (see: Matthew 19:9). Yet whenever we violate God’s plan, painful consequences follow. Thankfully God is willing to meet us in the messes we make of our lives and help us through them. He also uses wise counselors to help us if we are willing to receive them.

Steven W. Cornell,

senior pastor, Millersville Bible Church

Marriage: What it is and why it matters

by Steve Cornell

“Marriage should be honored by all…” Hebrews 13:4a

God ordained three institutions for our good. They exist as pillars for a strong, safe and flourishing society. After evil entered the world, God also prescribed these institutions for the restraint and punishment of wrongdoers. These three are:

1. Family (Ephesians 5:22-25; 6:1-3)

2. Government (Genesis 9:6; Romans 13:1-4; I Peter 2:13-14)

3. Church (Matthew 5:13-16—Salt and Light; Ephesians 5:11—“Do not participate in…rather expose…”; Romans 12:21—“Overcome evil with good…”). Local churches are intended by God to make a difference in the world: through witness in word and deed, through teaching God’s will to His people and through discipleship and discipline.

What happens to a nation when its families are broken and full of dysfunctional relationships, its government does not fear God and it is full of weak churches? Asked differently, what happens to a community or nation when homes, government and churches ignore God’s plan for them? The answer can be found by looking at what is happening to our nation. Too negative? Perhaps I see things this way because I often take a front row seat to the sad and complicated personal effects in the lives of people. But I am sure I could supply more than enough statistical data to support my view.

Of the three God-ordained institutions, the first and primary one is the family. Families are made up of three levels of relationship:

1. Husband and wife

2. Parents and children

3. Siblings to sibling

In the opening chapters of the Bible, we learn that God created humans male and female with the intention of forming marriage relationships and bearing and raising children. Yet the husband and wife relationship is first in order and first in priority in families. Other relationships in the home, if God chooses to grant them, though important, are only provisional and temporary (i.e. parent/child; sibling/sibling). When husbands and wives bear children, their goal should be to raise them and release them. One day, they “leave their father and mother….”

The important thing to recognize is that only God-intended permanent relationship in the home is the husband and wife relationship. When we keep it the priority relationship, we strengthen and bless the other relationships. When we neglect it or build our lives too much around the children, we do a disservice to the family unit. Think deeply about this truth.
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Three essentials for Marriage Relationships

God’s original plan for the marriage relationship involved three essential elements:

1. Exclusivity: One man/one woman in lifelong monogamy

2. Uniqueness: Leaving your home of origin and establishing a new family.

3. Permanence: A man is to be united to his wife—a word that means to hold fast to with unswerving loyalty.

Remember the wedding vow: “Till death causes us to part; As long as we both shall live.” Jesus said, “What God has joined together let man not separate” (Matthew 19:6).

Reflect deeply on the three essential elements in God’s original plan for marriage: exclusivity, uniqueness, and permanence. When husbands and wives respect each one, they enable their marriages to flourish. A failure to respect any one of these will harm the marriage relationship.

Why is it important to revisit these basics? Two big reasons:

1. If we get the nature of marriage wrong, we are less likely to do well in marriage. A key reason many marital problems occur is a failure to understand, respect and live by the God-intended essence of marriage.

2. “The relationship between husband and wife is the foundation on which kids build their sense of security, their identity and learn to relate to others.” –Jay Kessler

Did you notice the categories? 1. Security, 2. Identity, 3. Relationship skills

Not surprisingly, the cumulative effect of several decades of disregard for the God-intended nature of marriage—evidenced not only in broken homes but in severely dysfunctional homes (almost 50% end in divorce and 50% of those that remain together are “characterized by resignation or even misery rather than love and affection” (Harley). —– is witnessed in the significant security, identity and relationship problems in the personal lives of large numbers of people in our society.

Marriage and family—Why does it matter? God ordained it for our good. Government and churches are only as strong as the families in them.

At the deepest level, I believe it is time for the church to renew its commitment to this verse of Scripture: “Marriage should be honored by all…” Hebrews 13:4a

The institution of marriage is God’s idea. And God designed it for the health, peace, and security of human relationships. In a culture that places little value on covenants, promises and vows, marriage commitments are not highly valued. We must not accept this cultural norm in the body of Christ!

Hebrews 13:4a—start here! Make it personal! We need a renewed commitment at this level. Revisit and evaluate how well you’re doing with the three essentials in your marriage.

Steve Cornell
See also: http://thinkpoint.wordpress.com/2008/11/20/help-for-troubled-marriages/

Revisit your marriage based on the vows you made on your wedding day. Warning: It could transform your understanding of marriage and strengthen your marriage in amazing ways!

Let’s start by considering the wedding vow itself. A minister usually asks the groom some variation of the following question:

“Will you take this woman to be your wife, to live together in the covenant of marriage? Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in joy and sorrow, in plenty and in want, in sickness and in health, and, forsaking all others, be faithful to her so long as you both shall live?”

If the groom makes this promise, the minister asks the same question of the bride: “Will you take this man to be your husband, to live together in the covenant of marriage? Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in joy and in sorrow, in plenty and in want, in sickness and in health, and, forsaking all others, be faithful to him so long as you both shall live?”

When the bride agrees, the minister announces that, based on the promises the couple have made to each other, he can pronounce them husband and wife. So it’s reasonable to assume that these vows describe what it means to be married in the traditional sense. A closer look reveals qualities that may be expressed in the following definition:

Traditional marriage is a permanent (as long as you both shall live) and sexually exclusive (forsaking all others) relationship of extraordinary care (love, comfort, honor, and keep, etc.) between a man (to be your husband) and a woman (to be your wife).

Part 1: Extraordinary Care

In their wedding vows a couple promise to “love, comfort, honor, and keep” each other in any of life’s circumstances: “in joy and in sorrow, in plenty and in want, in sickness and in health.” Couples making this promise don’t intend to care for each other only when times are good. They promise to care for each other when times are bad as well. And if, at the time of the wedding, one of them refused to make that promise, few would be willing to go through with the ceremony.

Part 2: Sexual Exclusivity

When a couple marry, they promise to “forsake all others” and be “faithful” to each other—sexually. Faithfulness in marriage is so fundamental to the marriage agreement that when the vow is broken, most marriages go into a freefall. Infidelity ranks as one of the most painful experiences of a betrayed spouse’s life. Anyone who knew at the time of their wedding that their spouse would eventually have an affair would refuse to marry that person. It’s that important to remain faithful.

But affairs do not harm just marriages—they also harm children. A child also feels betrayed by a parent who cheats and then lies about it. Can you think of a worse example to a developing child than an unfaithful father or mother?

Part 3: Permanence

A couple who marry promise to remain together “as long as we both shall live,” and that promise is essential to marriage for a host of reasons. The most important reason is that stability and continuity are required for raising children successfully. If a couple were told on the day of their wedding that they would divorce when their children were young and needed them the most, they would stop the ceremony. Even if a couple knew they could only avoid divorce until their children became adults, I’m not sure they would agree to be married. That’s because marriage creates interdependence—both spouses come to need each other in order to thrive. A divorce at any stage of life rips them apart, damaging both of them.

The relentless attack on traditional marriage that began in the 1930s started to affect the divorce rate in the 1960s and ‘70s. The cultural emphasis on self-centeredness during those decades caused couples to file for divorce in unprecedented numbers. But instead of passing laws to encourage couples to care for each other and restore their marriage, laws were passed making divorce easier than it had ever been. An unhappy spouse no longer needed a reason to break a commitment that had profound implications to children and to society. Instead it could be broken without justification. (from, pages 14-17, “Defending Traditional Marriage,” by Willard F. Harley, Jr.)

Taking the hand of the one you love

Several weeks ago, I did something that to my embarrassment I had not done for a while. It was a Saturday morning and my wife suggested that we go to Lititz, Pennsylvania to visit shops and a new market. As we walked the streets, I took my wife’s hand and we walked hand-in-hand. At that moment it dawned on me that it had been a while since we had walked hand-in-hand. It seemed so simple, yet made me reflect on my sense of negligence.

We stay so busy putting our “hands” to many good tasks.

On that morning, however, I felt a little disappointment with myself that perhaps I had been too busy. Then I also realized that when we normally walk together, we’re accompanied by two Shih Tzus— less than ideal for holding hands!

Holding hands is one of the earliest exchanges of affection between couples. It is usually an act of bravery on the part of a man to reach out to hold her hand! As he ventures into unreached territory, he’s unsure. “Will I be shaken off?” “Perhaps she doesn’t feel we’re ready for this?”

Do you remember the first time you held hands with the one you love? There is something special about holding the hand of the one you love. It’s hard to be at odds with each other when holding hands. But it is also hard to hold hands when things are not right between you.

I’ll never forget the symbolic importance of the hand after hearing it presented at my wife’s nephew’s wedding. The pastor asked the bride and groom to face each other as he drew attention to the value of their hands. As he did, our nephew, who is an athletic, tough kind of guy, wept to the point of bringing us all to tears.

The pastor told his bride to hold our nephew’s hands palms up, so she may see the gift that they are to her.

“These are the hands of your best friend, young and strong and vibrant with love, that are holding yours on your wedding day, as he promises to love you all the days of his life. These are the hands that will work along side yours, as together you build your future, as you laugh and cry, as you share your innermost secrets and dreams. These are the hands you will place with expectant joy against your stomach, until he too, feels his child stir within you.”

“These are the hands that look so large and strong, yet will be so gentle as he holds your baby for the first time. These are the hands that will work long hours for you and your new family. These are that hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, for a lifetime. These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes: tears of sorrow and tears of joy. These are the hands that will comfort you in illness, and hold you when fear or grief wrack your mind. These are the hands that will tenderly lift your chin and brush your cheek as they raise your face to look into his eyes: eyes that are filled completely with his love and desire for you.”

The pastor told my nephew to hold his bride’s hands palms up, where he may see the gift that they are to him.

“These are the hands of your best friend, smooth, young and carefree, that are holding yours on your wedding day, as she pledges her love and commitment to you all the days of her life. These are the hands that will hold each child in tender love, soothing them through illness and hurt, supporting and encouraging them along the way, and knowing when it is time to let go.
These are the hands that will massage tension from your neck and back in the evenings after you’ve both had a long hard day. These are the hands that will hold you tight as you struggle through difficult times.”

“These are the hands that will comfort you when you are sick, or console you when you are grieving. These are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, for a lifetime. These are the hands that will hold you in joy and excitement and hope, each time she tells you that you are to have another child. These are the hands that will give you support as she encourages you to chase down your dreams.”

After referring to this in my sermon last Sunday, a widower told me how much he misses holding his wife’s hand (They had been married 61 years). He told me that the first time he reached for her hand, she later told him she felt an electric shock go from the top of her head to the sole of her foot (in a good way!). Some widows also greeted me and said, “Keep reminding the married couples to love each other this way. They will miss it some day.” Hold the hand of the one you love before the day is over.

Steve Cornell

Overcoming Your Past

Steve Cornell

My grandfather was an alcoholic for most of his adult life. Like many alcoholics, he was functional during the day and drunk at night. My mother recently told me that she never had a single meaningful conversation with her father. As a young girl, she tried to get rid of her dad’s alcohol and even went to their pastor to seek help for him.

Like many others, mom’s life was deeply affected by the loss of a healthy father-daughter relationship and by being forced to deal with difficult matters at such a young age. Some, like mom, overcome their loss and live healthy lives. But many others never gain freedom and send their pain into the next generation.

After years of counseling others, I am convinced that most personal problems have strong connections with what I call the eighteen-year factor. This is the amount of time lived in one’s family of origin. These are defining years when we learn and experience many things that we carry with us for life.

If you grew up in a functionally healthy home, you received a gift that is increasingly rare. But if your eighteen-year factor was disrupted by a significant negative experience, it could adversely affect your security, identity and future relationships. Traumatic experiences like loss of a parent or sibling, the divorce of your parents or sexual abuse, are life altering. And families plagued with severe dysfunctions are especially damaging to children. If you lived under an alcoholic parent or in an atmosphere of physical or emotional abuse, or with significant neglect of nurture and discipline, your life has been deeply affected—usually beyond what you realize.

Emotionally aloof fathers or parents who withhold affirmation and acceptance leave deep deficits in the lives of their children. It’s not uncommon for men of all ages to battle issues related to a bad father-son relationship. And women are especially vulnerable to future instability when their fathers withhold affection and affirmation. Many pursue unhealthy male relationships. Some battle deep feelings of inadequacy and a continual sense that something is missing. Others struggle with anxiety, low self-esteem and depression.

Children develop protective mechanisms to shield themselves from pain when forced to deal with things they lack the maturity to handle. They’re often unaware of these protective instincts when they carry them into adulthood. But, in adulthood, protective mechanisms no longer protect; they destroy. A tendency to shut down emotionally may protect a child in an abusive home, but when the same response emerges in adult relationships, it becomes harmful. Children of alcoholic parents often become enablers and co-dependents. Others find relief in anger or excessive efforts to control life. But all of these protective responses are damaging to future relationships.

Those who carry protective mechanisms into adulthood often don’t understand why they feel and act as they do. They usually remain unaware of the real affects of their upbringing until they enter intimate relationships with other adults. In these relationships, the walls they built to shield from hurtful experiences alienate them and drive others away.

The damages from an unhealthy eighteen-year factor must be identified for the path of healing and restoration to be effective. Although it seems easier to pretend that you have not been affected by your upbringing, denial always makes matters worse. It also assures that the next generation will continue to be hurt. Overcoming a problem can only begin when we admit we have it and recognize how it is hurting our own lives and those around us.

Overcoming the past often requires assistance from a wise counselor. But first we must allow those closest to help us see our walls and defense mechanisms. Usually the hardest part of this is the vulnerability it requires. Trust is difficult and fear leads to defensive postures.

One of the dangers in identifying the failures and neglect of one’s parents is the temptation toward self-pity. When I asked my mom how she overcame her past, she said she refused to allow self-pity to control her life. She said, “I think too many people just wallow in their hurts and allow them to ruin their lives.” I remind people that the only thing we can change about the past is how we let it affect us in the future.

Mom’s father was not a violent alcoholic and she realizes it would be harder to overcome worse circumstances. I have no doubt that a big part of her victory is her faith in Jesus Christ. Mom turned to Christ when I was eleven years old.

In the early days of her faith, she thanked God for allowing her to have an alcoholic father and asked God to use her experience to help others. Beyond her eleven children, mom has many spiritual children. These are people who look to her regularly for guidance. Her life verse is: “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth” (III John 4).

Steve Cornell

Note: My grandfather trusted in Christ shortly before his death and experienced a short but sincere conversion.

Love: What is it?

The best functional definition of love is found in the New Testament book titled I Corinthians. To this day, it remains one of the most often quoted Scriptures during wedding ceremonies. When practiced, it deeply transforms us. This is life that is anti-rivalry. Love is not about comparison, competition, envy, one-up-man-ship, retaliation, gossip or vindictiveness. It is counter-cultural in the most profound sense. It’s also a prescription for resolving relationship conflicts on all levels.

Look closely at these words:

“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance” (I Corinthians 13:4-8, NLT).

14 Qualities of love

1) Love is patient: It is long-suffering and forebearing. It restrains anger when facing provocation. It is a Godlike response. The Old Testament repeats a cluster of descriptive qualities for God reminding us that He is: “gracious, compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love—and He relents from sending calamity” (see: Exodus 34:6-7; Joel 2:13; Jonah 4:2.Joel 2:18).

The New Testament also reminds us that God “is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance (II Peter 3:9). In a passage warning about God’s inescapable judgment against religious hypocrites (i.e. those who condemn others for the very things they do themselves), the apostle pauses to remind them of God’s kindness and patience: “…do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness leads you toward repentance?” (See also: Romans 9:22-24).

Jesus showed great patience when He prayed: “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34). Stephen, the first martyr of the early church, showed great patience when he prayed: “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.” Patience is more than passive waiting. It is active restraint that rests in God.

2) Love is kind: This is the active advance of love. If love patiently holds back retaliation, in kindness, it reaches out in good will toward others. Romans 12:17-21 brings both together. Verse 17 – “Do not repay evil for evil,” Verse 19 – “Do not take revenge.” This is God’s right, not mine. On the contrary, extend acts of kindness and ministry: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink” (Romans 12:20a). This is more than passive restraint and resentment, it is super-natural, counter-cultural living, based on a refusal to multiply evil. “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (v. 21).

What does it mean: “In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head”? This sounds like a way to harm my enemy! Is this a “kill them with kindness” philosophy? A “so take that” approach?

There are 5 possible ways to understand the burning coals:

1. Punishment- (Psalm 18:13, Psalm 140:11). But anything aimed to hurt our enemies violates the context.
2. Conviction – It’s symbolic burning in the sense of bringing mental conviction
3. Protection- (Leviticus 16:12-13). Like the high priest on the Day of Atonement who took a censor full of burning coals and incense so the smoke would cover him from God’s glory.
4. Blessing – A near-eastern practice of carrying burning coals to distribute for the benefit of others.
5. Melting – As burning coals melt hard metals, perhaps your kindness will melt your enemy’s hardened heart.

Conclusion: This is some sort of proverbial saying indicating that our acts of kindness have the potential to powerfully affect others, especially enemies. “Win them with kindness, not kill them.” Keep the meaning in the context of Romans 12:21.

God’s kindness emerges against the backdrop of our sin in Titus 3:3-5. To be Christian is to be people distinguished by our kindness. In Luke 6:32-36, Jesus emphasized our need to be merciful as God is by reminding us that the Most High God is even kind to the ungrateful and wicked (Luke 6:35-36). Let’s be sure to model kindness as parents and teach kindness to our children.

3) Love does not envy: It does not resent the blessings of others. Envious rivalry was behind the murder of Abel, the enslavement of Joseph and it motivated religious people to crucify Jesus. An envier gloats over the harm or misfortune of the one envied. She delights in evil (cf. Proverbs 14:30; 24:17). (See the article on my blog under envy)

4) Love does not boast: Love corrects an inordinate desire to call attention to one-self. A loving person is not a windbag/braggart; does not parade himself; does not think more highly of himself than sober judgment dictates (Romans 12:3). Love is willing to work anonymously. It needs no limelight or stage and is not fueled by the applause and recognition.

5) Love is not proud: not puffed up; not arrogant; not full of oneself. (cf. I Corinthians 4:6, 18-19; 5:2 and 8:1) (See blog topic “Pride”)

6) Love is not rude: ( “does not behave unseemly” KJV); “Does not behave shamefully or disgracefully.” To do this would be a violation of care for the community over the individual.

7) Love is not self-seeking: (“does not insist on its own way” ESV). This is a corrective for a culture that promotes self-absorption. (cf. I Corinthians 10:24, 33; Philippians 2:3-5; II Corinthians 5:15)

8 ) Love is not easily angered: (easily agitated; easily provoked; hot-tempered; short-fused). Indicates deeper problems. This is corrected by love’s first quality: patient, fore-bearing. (See blog topic “Anger)

9) Love keeps no record of wrongs: (thinks no evil, KJV); does not reckon or devise evil. Love prefers forgiveness and reconciliation and genuinely works toward them (cf. II Corinthians 5:19 – God did not reckon our sins against us). When we’ve been hurt badly, this part of love is hard to practice. Love will never become enslaved to bitterness (Hebrews 12:15). See D. A. Carson’s book, “Love in Hard Places.”

10) Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth: This rules out envy, gossip, slander, and satisfaction at the downfall of others (Example: Children tattling get a feeling of satisfaction by seeing others get in trouble).

Love’s four sweet companions

Finally, we have what Spurgeon called “Love’s four sweet companions”: Love always protects, trusts, hopes, perseveres (NIV). Here we have love’s grand finale in a staccato of four verbs enriched with a repeated object that is all-encompassing! (”All things”; adverbial: “In everything/always”).

“There is nothing love cannot face” (NEB). “Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance” (NLT). Love embraces faith and hope—no wonder the greatest is love. It is tenacious and faithful. Love is brave and noble; it never fails.

Think about it:

“Paul does not mean that love always believes the best about everything and everyone, but that love never ceases to have faith; it never loses hope. This is why it can endure. The life that is so touched by the never-ceasing love of God in Christ (cf. Romans 8:39) is in turn enabled by the Spirit to love others in the same way. It trusts God in behalf of the one loved, hopes to the end that God will show mercy in that person’s behalf.” (N.I.C.N.T., Gordon Fee, I Corinthians p. 640)

This is exemplified in a parent’s love. It never gives up. I know parents of older children who have watched their children make bad, life-altering decisions with serious consequences, yet the parents persevere in their love.

The 5 Keys to Love’s Implementation

1. Acknowledge it as a command (Romans 13:8-10)
2. Agree you have the power to love (Romans 5:5)
3. Understand it is normal Christian behavior (I John 4:7-10)
4. Realize it is the Spirit’s work (Galatians 5:22)
5. Practice it (I Peter 1:22; 4:8) (Dr. John MacArthur)

Steve Cornell