How do I let go of my grudge?

By Steve Cornell

Have you ever thought of forgiveness as an act of worship? If you haven’t, what you’re about to read could radically change the way you think about forgiveness. Jesus joined forgiveness and worship when he said, “When you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” (Mark 11:25).

Do you have a grudge account?

When Jesus referred to holding things against others, he went to the root cause behind most personal and societal problems. It’s the tendency to bear grudges. Many people go through life collecting grievances (whether perceived or actual) and storing them in their memory bank—specifically in their grudge account. Rather than forgive their offenders, many choose to nurse their anger; to sludge in their grudge; to lick their wounds. Some enjoy commiserating with others in their grievances. They throw pity parties for those who show solidarity and affirm their right to be angry and unforgiving.

Sooner or later, all people get hurt and experience grievances. Those who continually collect perceived rather than actual grievances should be identified as narcissistic and pathologically paranoid. Narcissistic, because they think people think about them more than people do; pathologically paranoid, because they think people are continually against them when they are not. People who live like this are too self-absorbed. They must come to deeper levels of repentance by embracing Jesus’ call to self-denial.

“Forgive him?!” “Not after what he did to me!”

When they hear Jesus’ words “Forgive him” some respond, “Forgive him?!” “Not after what he did to me!” Does Jesus ask us to become morally neutral about wrongful behavior? Is he asking us to pretend nothing happened and let our offender off the hook? One thing is clear from Jesus’ words, whatever else forgiveness involves, it is the opposite of “holding something against” someone. Forgiveness requires an act of “letting go” or “releasing”— a refusal to “hold against”.

But this act is not a superficial effort to erase the action of the one who did wrong. Letting go of an offense does not require a morally neutral position about right and wrong. We are not required to let the offense go into some imaginary zone of forgetfulness. Instead, forgiving is an act of worship. It takes place in the presence of the God who is the righteous judge of all the earth. Forgiveness is an act of releasing the offense to the God who said, “Do not take revenge, …but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord” (Romans 12:19).

When sinned against, it’s easy to only see the horizontal significance of what occurred. “This is about me and the one who hurt me!” we might argue. But for those who worship God, forgiveness is an act of worship that this is primarily about God and secondarily about them. The rest of Mark 11:25 reminds us that our grievances must be drawn into our relationship with God: “…if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”

Do we earn God’s forgiveness?

Jesus places the urgency of forgiving others in the context of God forgiving our sins. But is Jesus suggesting that we earn God’s forgiveness by forgiving others? No. Instead, God expects forgiven people to forgive. When forgiven people don’t forgive, God is not worshipped— he is insulted (See: Matthew 18:21-35).

This is where worship connects with forgiveness. When we forgive, we “let go of” instead of “holding on to”. It is an act of releasing to God the actions and consequences of the wrong done to us. God holds the sole prerogative of vengeance (Romans 12:19). If the one who hurts us is to be punished, it is God’s right to punish him. When sinned against, turn to God and worship him by acknowledging his authority as judge. Acknowledge your acceptance that any judgment of the one who committed evil against you is his right.

When forgiveness enters worship in this way, we are not surrendering or neutralizing our sense of morality. This is not a cheap letting off the hook of the one who hurt us. It’s not a mental exercise in forgetting. It’s an act of worship. And, on this view, forgiveness is not solely about me–what happened to me and who did it. It’s about God—who he is and his authority.

Worshipping God not using Him

Forgiveness is an act of releasing to God what rightly belongs to him. Since God is the judge of all the earth who will do what is right, releasing to God places the offence in the purest judgment. Forgiving is releasing the grievance and offender to God’s all-knowing perspective and perfectly balanced justice and mercy. This honors God by placing matters into his hands and his timing. This must not be corrupted into a “God will get you” mentality. Worship is not an effort to use God; it is an act of humbling yourself before him.

When forgiveness becomes worship, the offended person humbles herself before God honoring and confessing him as judge and trusting him to uphold his judgment as he perceives best and in his time. In this act of “letting go” or “releasing” to God, the one who forgives is also released and empowered to live out Romans 12:20-21:“On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. …. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

Punishment of wrong-doers

We don’t leave this subject with these final words from Romans 12. The connection with Romans 13 adds an important dimension to forgiveness. Sometimes God executes his wrath (see: 12:19) and punishment of wrongdoers through the agency of human government (see esp. Romans 13:4). This strengthens the point that forgiveness is not a matter of moral neutrality. When the one who wrongs you receives punishment from God ordained authority, it is right to respect and support such punishment. We do this for the glory of God and the good of society. Yet our endorsement itself must not be based on vindictive and vengeful intention. We surrender all desire for revenge to God as the only rightful judge (Romans 12:19). If God mediates his judgment through ordained human authority, we must support those authorities for fulfilling their divine role (see: Romans 13:1-4). Although we forgive our offender, our support of the authorities requires that we maintain our sense of right and wrong.

Romans 12 comes first

Finally, we need the grace of God and the power of the Holy Spirit to apply these truths with sincerity and humility. When we’ve been wronged and the punishment of the wrong-doer becomes a matter for human government, we cannot sincerely support such punishment with the right spirit until we prayerfully apply the teaching of Romans 12:18-21.

Steve Cornell

Senior pastor

Millersville Bible Church

58 West Frederick Street

Millersville, PA. 17551

s.cornell@millersvillebiblechurch.org